DEATHBED DIVORCE

The tabloids are abuzz with news that actor Dennis Hopper, allegedly terminally ill with prostate cancer, commenced divorce proceedings this month against his wife.

As one would expect, issues of undue influence and competency are being raised. On the other hand, Hollywood folks tend to treat marriage and divorce a little bit more casually than the rest of us. Still, the concept of a person choosing to divorce one’s spouse as his final act on the planet seems unusual if not bizarre

Of course all lawyers know that court calendars generally move rather slowly. This fact alone introduces a dramatic “race against time” element into the saga.

But one thing we should not do is confuse Dennis Hopper, the person, with his screen persona. Indeed, the film characters played by Dennis Hopper have often been typecast as crazed and maniacal. In Blue Velvet he played a violent sociopath. In Speed his character was a terrorist who wanted to blow up a bus.

But he was also a director and a writer. Indeed, he has directed a film that the American Film Institute has listed as being among the top 100 best cinematic achievements in American history. So maybe we should give Dennis the benefit of the doubt.

I am a lawyer, but I no longer handle divorce cases. None. When somebody calls me seeking a divorce, I generally try and talk him or her out of it. “Stay married and forgive everything” has become my mantra. But nobody listens to me. Instead they go to other lawyers and file divorce proceedings nonetheless. And of course there are other points of view. One divorce attorney in Chicago used a billboard truck to convey the following message: Life’s short. Get a divorce. This message apparently suggests that one’s marriage should be evaluated by looking at the sand remaining at the top of the hourglass rather than dwelling upon the sand that has collected at the bottom. In any event, Dennis, presumably, is looking at very little sand.

Of course most lawyers know that there is really no such thing as divorce. Oh, the judge will sign some papers declaring that you are divorced, but in the end it carries about as much significance as money left under a child’s pillow by the tooth fairy. You can believe you are divorced if you want to. But more likely the case will be immediately reassigned to a “post-decree calendar” which means that the fighting will simply continue in another courtroom and with another judge. As a practical matter, marriage really does mean until death do we part.

Except for Dennis Hopper. Because he is dying, Dennis is actually in a position to beat the system. There will be no “post decree” court for Dennis who apparently wants to die a single man. Perhaps that goal is keeping him alive. Maybe the only thing left on Dennis’ bucket list is to hold that certified decree in his hands, smile, close his eyes and start driving that great chopper in the sky.